| Karkat Vantas | |
|---|---|
 Keebler Elf Fucker, dragging The Devourer Of Entire Face | |
|
Species |
Troll |
|
Gender |
Male |
|
Age |
7.8 Sweeps (17 Earth Years) |
|
Orientation |
Probably Panromantic Pansexual |
|
Blood Type |
Mutant (Bright red) |
|
Color |
Grey |
|
Occupation |
Crafter of long-winded metaphors |
|
Birthday |
June 12(?) |
Karkat is a vaguely crab-shaped troll whose leadering skills are arguable. He has several suitors for both red quadrants, all of which are unsavory and probably also unsanitary. Contrary to popular belief, his last name actually comes from the fact that he and everyone related to him has a combination of a van and an ant stuck up their ass, with the second s removed in order to fit troll naming policies. There is some debate on whether or not he has a soft high quality ass. The debation derailed into trying to figure out whether or not he has a van and an ant stuck up his ass right now. He likes his friends and doesn't like it when they die. He has anger and volume issues that could arguably use work (not to mention the gossipping), but he is all-around a pretty okay person. Sollux wants all up in his pale quadrant for a number of unknown reasons, and it is quite possible that cafescarpman wants all up in his flushed quadrant. He seems to be relatively unresponsive to quadrant advances much of the time, except when it is towards a keebler elf.
He regularly attends seminars. There has been much debate as to what kind of seminars, but nobody seems to be able to form a solid answer. He Seems to try to avoid his dancestor and the hour long discussions that flow from his dancestor's mouth when they encounter eachother. Despite this, he clearly wants Kankri inside of him. freedom when he is trapped in closed spaces. He would like nothing more than to just eat an entire meal made of his lusus with butter sauce, and also a juice box. Maybe you should give him a juice box. A juice box that actually has Sollux blood inside it. Yeah. That would be your best option.
He staples tapeworms on his penis, and also his other penis. He Is Responsible For The Tapeworms That Are Daily Stapled On Other's Pensises. It is Him. This Is The Lad you Search For When You Discover The Tapeworms. Find Him Today.
Please keep him away from keebler elves.
DEAD OR ALLIIVVVVVEEEEE~
DEAD OR ALIVE
DEAD OR AAAAAAALIVVVEEEEEeeEEEE~
THE FALLEN ARE
THE VIRTUOUS AMONG US
WALK AMONG US
NEVER JUDGE US
TO BE BLESSED
YOU'VE GOT A PASSION IN THOSE EYES
SO AIM IT STRAIGHT AND TRUE
WITH YOUR LAST BREATH OF AIR
AS THE EARTH COMES TREMBLING DOWN
WOULD YOU GIVE HER THIS LAST NIGHT
AND GIVE UP YOUR LIFE?